Thursday, November 20, 2008

Best magazine ever!!!!!1111



Here's the cover the of the best idea for a magazine I've ever seen.

Giant Everything

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Why I love teaching so much.



That's Ketherine (Pronounced "Catherine"). The first day I saw her at the school I thought to myself; "My what a big foetus!". She started off shy, but now she's totally awesome. She calls me Mr. Mosquito. She sings while she does art. She's like the little girl in Monster's Inc. but with a perm. A couple of field trips ago, we went to the animation museum. There was a section on the horror cartoon genre. Most kids were too afraid to go in, but she was all like: "Not scary!". One day she will be a powerful gang boss. Just look at that picture.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Advice


This is from a first grader's book report.

"Don't lose your expectation. We will have a great day in the future. Don't lose your request. No end. Your parents will surrender to you."

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Random stuff...


Hello,

Here are some pictures with commentary...maybe.

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This is where I live. In Korean it's called the Hiberis building, which might be some sort of flower (Laura, can you confirm or deny that?). However, since Korean is a special language, you can get funny results trying to spell English words with Korean letters. For example, the name of my building when spelled out phonetically from the Korean characters actually breaks down like this: Ha-ee-bae-ra-seu. You can reform the syllables any which way you like. My favorite is "High, Bare Ass".

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That's right! McDonald's delivers. I don't know what to say except that in 10 years, Seoul will catch up to Houston (or wherever) as fattest city in the United States. Also, the McDonald's people here are just plain lazy when it comes to naming new features in the restaurant. For instance, the "drive-thru" here is called a "McDrive". And the delivery service is of course called "McDelivery".

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We went on a field trip to KBS studios last Friday with the kindergarten students. Here are some pictures:

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Ida and Nick. Nick looks tired.

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They had this fake news desk where the kids could read off of the teleprompter. Daniel totally froze when he got in front of the camera. He had a look of complete and utter terror when he got up there.

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It was an extremely hot day, so a lot of the kids brought their own personal "Hello Kitty" fans. Naturally, some kid's hair HAS to get tangled up in the fan.

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Here's a inadvertent haiku written by a 5 year-old.

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Saturday, May 24, 2008

Math Lesson.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Possibly the greatest essay ever.



Disclaimer: This is a real essay handed in to one of my friends here in Korea. It was not, unfortunately, one of my own students who wrote this. Also there's some language issues here. Okay. Here goes.


Bidet vs. Toilet Paper

In order for human beings to live, they do metabolism, we have to absorb food. And after the metabolism, we have to eliminate dregs of it which people call 'poo'. Evacuation skill has been developed over 3000 years. First, they just evacuated on the ground and didn't clean it. Then, they started to clean their ass with water or glass. Next, they made toilet paper. Finally, they invented bidet.

Toilet paper and bidet are both used to clean people's ass. However, they have few big differences.

Toilet paper is the most commonest cleaning system people use. The price of toilet paper isn't too hard so people use it commonly. But, although it is cheap, it companies few shortcomings. First the effect of it isn't perfect. Which I mean, even though you clean your ass hardly with all your effort, still microscopical pieces are left. And as a result, these poo atoms get on your underwear. And that part turns into brown. Second, when you are suffering from diarrhea (which is liquid poo), Your fingers often go through the paper and scratches the THING. Because diarrhea is liquid, toilet paper absorb the water and get weaker that your fingers go through it. Third, it is really hard to clean it when it gets hard. Especially, Koreans get into these situations frequently because they study or read while evacuating. Anyway, when it gets hard, you have to put little water on paper to make poo softly. Finally, it doesn't feel really good. Because your are cleaning your ass with your own hands, it feels strange.

On the contrary, bidet is the most artistic ultramodern invention system that human being have invented. First, unlike toilet paper, it cleans your ass perfectly that no single poo atoms are left their. Second, you don't have to worry about your fingers scratching the things because you are using advanced machine. Third, unlike toilet paper, you can clean it even if it gets hard. You can control the temperature of water. Therefore, you can melt it even if it gets into solid. Finally, unlike toilet paper which feels really bad, you can feel your mother's hand. Modern technology has made it possible for people to control the power and temperature of it. Therefore, you can feel your mother's hand. When the machine cleans your ass, it reminds of your childhood experience when mom came cleaned your ass. So, some people actually cry while evacuating because it reminds of their mother.

Toilet paper and bidet are both used to clean people's assh*le. But, effects of them are different. Both of them has its own virtue and shortcomings. You shouldn't be lazy that you just evacuates and run out with your butt browned. You should clean your ass faithfully and keep your assh*le clean that you can even lick it so you don't get any cancer on it.


It should be noted that this boy is very quiet and serious in class. However, he writes essays like this all the time. This one was a particular gem.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Wow - it's been over a month!!!


Hello. Sorry guys for the lack of posts. It's been crazy ridiculous at work with new teachers, a lot of subbing, tests, changes and everything. Also I've been lazy.

So here's a totally amazing gross story for you guys.

I'm sitting down at the head of the class, facing my students, having them read a textbook when I notice one of the girls with her finger waaaaaay up in her nose. By the way this is a third grade class which puts the girl's age at around ten. Anyways, I as I'm putting my head down to look in my book, I catch a glimpse of the GIANT snot she dragging out of her nostril. Figuring that she'd ask for a kleenex, I don't pay no mind. You'd be surprised at how many of these kids pick their nose. Last semester, I had a boy who would sneeze every single day and have the biggest snot on his face. Anyways, back to the story. So a second passes by and I don't hear her get up from her seat or ask for tissue paper so I look up. And all I see is her finger way deep in her mouth. I almost puked.

Sometimes I go into space and I carry an astronaut on my back.

Asstronaut

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

How are you doing strangers?


Hello. Been a while.

Yeah, things have been kinda hectic for a minute. Been working 12-13-14 hours a day and putting some time in on weekends. BUT, we got some new teachers so things should be cooling out for a bit. Anyways, so what's new with me. Nothing much. New apartment. More time now, which is why I'm writing here.

The two kindergarten classes I've been teaching have graduated and gone to elementary school. This just means I see them later in the afternoon instead of in the morning. But I'm saddened because my favorite students are too smart for this school and have gone to the ultra-turbo smart school. I'll miss them very much, but thanks to the technology of digital cameras, here they are. The first and last pictures are the ones that have gone on to bigger and better things.

Alice
That's Alice. On my first day of teaching, she wrote me a note reassuring me that I was doing a good job. She has been my all time favorite since then.

IMG_0164
Another teacher drew that picture for a science class. I gave Kelly my glasses and told her to stand there. Also, whenever I see Kelly, I cup her face in my hands and yell "roundface" at her. It's all in good fun.

Colette and Karley

Evan and Jeremy

The gang

Ricky
Ricky looked like a little Muslim with his bow tie.

May

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

New digs...pics coming soon.


I've moved for what I hope to be the last time. Pictures of the new apartment coming soon. It's colder here, but it's closer to work. Haven't decided yet if that's better or not.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

What is cute and accidental mullets



I've been around kids for a while now and I'd like to think my exposure the little Korean children has given me insight into what makes them cute or not. I know, I'm shallow and superficial. Now that that's out of the way, let's move on to the meat of this entry.

What makes a child cute.

1. Big head small body. Ok, every kid has this going for him/her. Kids are walking lollipops. But for some reason, some kids' bodies catch up and become proportional to their heads, or some kids just have small heads. Whatever, the magic formula to cuteness is BIG head, small body. I have a friend back home, Timmy, or Tim now that he's older. Anyways, his dad tells this story of watching him as a baby. Tim's head was so big he had trouble keeping it upright and it would sometimes topple over and he'd fall backwards or to the side. Tim's dad would just sit there observing Tim as he watched TV and struggled to stay upright.

2. Glasses. Kids with glasses are exactly 1,000,000,000,000,000 (that's One million, billion) times cuter than kids without. Remember Johnathan Lipnicki? He's that coke-bottle bespectacled kid in "Jerry Maguire".


But then he got rid of his glasses and got himself a faux-hawk and now his career leaves a lot to be desired. He shoulda stuck with the glasses.

3. Walking around with your hands in your pockets. This is one I discovered here in Korea. If you're an adult, walking around with your hands in your pockets means you don't know what to do with your arms when you're walking (like me) or you got something to hide. However, if you're a child, walking around with your hands in your pockets is about the cutest thing you can do. Trust me. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go and do some field research. Find yourself a child of about six years old, ask him or her to walk around with their hands in their pockets, and try not to squeal your eyes out.

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So I got my hair cut today after letting it run wild on my head for a good two months. It's the first time I've had to go to a salon by myself here so I was practicing some key vocabulary on the way: "Short" "Top" "Sides" "Back". Regular stuff. Anyways, when I get there the lady asks me how I want my hair cut. So I tell her "Short". Of course that doesn't really help her cause short for her could mean something different for me. So she brings me a book of hairstyles, and by "book of hairstyles" I mean collage of magazine clippings. I flip through a few pages and I see something I like. I point to it and tell her that's how short I want my hair.

She takes off my glasses and she starts clipping...and clipping and cutting and clipping...

10 minutes later she's done. They take me to the back to wash my hair, and back to the chair for some styling. Only after she's completely done and she puts my glasses back on that I realize that she gave me a baby mullet. Check it out.

Mullet?

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Randomness


Here are some pictures I've been sitting on that don't really belong to a particular topic and or post.

Enjoy!

Students

These are my students. My original posse. On the left is Lily, she's the tough, emotionally closed, karate expert. In the middle is Angela, she's a funky child, but the best undercover brother eva. On the right is Rosie, she's the brainy one. She's the computer/gadget/explosives expert. There's another kid, Joy. Joy is a boy. He's really shy. He takes off like a rocket as soon as class is done.

Little Hitchcock

This kid reminds me of a young, Asian, Alfred Hitchcock.



Fish

I just thought that this fish eyeballing me from beyond the grave was kinda creepy.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

True Story - Pics


We have a writing book for the kindergarten kids. In it, there are some story sequencing exercises that consist of two pictures (with lines next to them for writing sentences), and a panel for a third picture and sentence. The point of the exercise is to write a short blurb for the first two pics and complete the sequence by drawing the last panel and writing the last sentence.

In this morning's exercise, the first panel had a picture of a lone ant trying to roll a ball of dirt up an anthill. The second panel had a picture of four ants rolling the ball of dirt up the anthill, and the last panel was blank.

There's a girl in my class who's pretty much one of the smartest girls ever. She's about five and pretty well behaved. For her first sentence, she wrote "The ant rolled the pooh pooh". Next to the second picture she wrote: "Then ant's family helped her to roll the pooh pooh." And for the last panel she drew the ants sharing a meal together and wrote: "The ant family was very, very happy then they ate a happy dinner".

As I was correcting, I was somewhat perplexed because she didn't specify what they ate together. So I asked her: "Are they eating the poop?"

This little girl looks at me dead in the eye and a tiny smile creeps on her face and she says: "yeah".

Sequencing 1

Sequencing 2

Sequencing 3

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Truck-Chicken - Now with more pictures!!!


What's up?

I just finished dinner and now I'm blogging again. Bringing you the latest news about what I'm doing in Korea for all you curious cats.

Big news: I had chicken for dinner tonight!!!!

Rotisserie Chicken
Mmmmmm...chicken necks!

Okay, okay. I know what you're saying: "Big deal, I eat chicken all the time." and you'd be right. You do eat chicken all the time.

But is your chicken roasted in the back of a truck??? Is it stuffed with rice and ginseng and beans? Does your WHOLE chicken set your back $6? Is there a two for $10 deal where you live?

Truck Chicken
The "Front" of the truck

Truck Chicken
Deals, deals, deals

Truck Chicken
There's the chicken. I told ya it was from the back of a truck

My guess is your answer to all the above questions is "No, man. No."

And this is where my chicken is different than yours.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Scooter Oven Mitts


Hey guys,

Remember the go-anywhere scooters I mentioned? They're used as a cheap form of transportation and the exclusive vehicle of choice for the delivery guy?

Yeah, of course you do.

But I forgot to mention that riding two-wheeled, non-encased for ease for protection against the elements, ride on the sidewalk, machines is a year-long thing for people here in Korea. What I'm trying to say with that convoluted sentence is that, there mere fact that it's winter doesn't stop people here from riding scooters. They just dress up in snow suits to do it. They need to protect themselves from the wind you know?

But! This is a big but. What about their hands? Wearing winter gloves doesn't work with working the handlebars. Mittens certainly will get in the way? So how do you keep your hands toasty when your speeding down the sidewalk at 20kms/hours (sometimes way faster) and you can't wears gloves?

Check this out!

Motorcycle Oven Mitts

These things remind me of an olde-timey catchers mitt. In the "winter" here every scooter has these. They're like winter tires back home. Also I put "winter" in quotes because here winter consists of temperatures that hover around 0, 0 centimeters of snow, and zero wind. Anyways, back to the oven mitts.

Yeah so it's totally a case of function over form, but in the picture above the oven mitts were the fanciest ones I've seen ever. I think they're from fake Korean Gucci or something.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Sneakers


When I was planning on coming here to Korea, I had crazy visions of multicolored sneakers. I thought I'd have a whole mess of sneaker stores and Asia exclusives to choose from to supplement my collection back home.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Korea has probably the weakest sneaker game in the world. Don't get me wrong, there are some pretty fresh kicks, but they are too few and far between. And there's only one spot in the whole country where you can get SBs. There just isn't the variety you'd come to expect from an Asian country. Plus, everyone just wears Chuck Taylors anyways. I've only seen a handful of Jordans. I think I've only seen two Koreans with New Balances. I'm probably the only person in the country with Super Team 33 Stingrays.


The Jordan Threes


This shoe didn't kill the Crocodile Hunter, I swear.

So, if I really wanted to get some sneakers, I'd have to go to Japan or Hong Kong or something.

You know what though? I think this could work to my advantage. So far, in the almost three months I've been here, I don't think there was a single instance when I went out and didn't get my feet stepped on. Koreans don't understand what a no-no it is to step on my feet. This one time, as I was stepping off the subway a lady was getting on. Now understand that I was the only person getting off and she was the only person getting on. You'd think there would be PLENTY of space for us to avoid each other, but no. You know what she did? She stepped on my SBs! Right on the toebox (front part)! And she was on the phone and it's perfectly okay to do this so she didn't even bother to apologize for messing up my beautiful shoes. Man I could have punched her in the ovaries. But I didn't. She was lucky I'm a righteous black man, otherwise she'd be in serious trouble man. SERIOUS!!!



All this to say, that while I'm here. I don't think my grandiose plans for sneakers will come to fruition. It's too hard/expensive to get the sneakers I want and even if I do get them, there's no way I can enjoy them here without getting them broke.