Back to the Future!!!

Hi guys,

It's me. Yes, yes. I know. I haven't updated my blog in a looong time. "Why not??!?", you ask? Because of two main reasons: I got lazy and ran out of things to write about, and I decided to spend my time with other human beings rather than sit here in front of a computer for hours writing 10 lines of text. I guess that's three reasons.

So what am I doing back here? Well some of you actually came to Korea to yell at me to start writing again. If you really wanted me to keep writing stuff, then you should have...never mind. You guys did travel across the world.

What's been happening here? Nothing much, things have settled into kind of a routine. My contract with the school ended last December. I traveled a bit. Did some odd jobs here and there. Nothing really exciting. Anyways, I'll start to slowly write stuff here and let's see what happens. okay?

In the meantime (Spacehog reference anyone?), let's try to keep the peace okay?
M

Best magazine ever!!!!!1111

Here's the cover the of the best idea for a magazine I've ever seen.

Why I love teaching so much.

That's Ketherine (Pronounced "Catherine"). The first day I saw her at the school I thought to myself; "My what a big foetus!". She started off shy, but now she's totally awesome. She calls me Mr. Mosquito. She sings while she does art. She's like the little girl in Monster's Inc. but with a perm. A couple of field trips ago, we went to the animation museum. There was a section on the horror cartoon genre. Most kids were too afraid to go in, but she was all like: "Not scary!". One day she will be a powerful gang boss. Just look at that picture.

Advice

This is from a first grader's book report.

"Don't lose your expectation. We will have a great day in the future. Don't lose your request. No end. Your parents will surrender to you."

Random stuff...

Hello,

Here are some pictures with commentary...maybe.



This is where I live. In Korean it's called the Hiberis building, which might be some sort of flower (Laura, can you confirm or deny that?). However, since Korean is a special language, you can get funny results trying to spell English words with Korean letters. For example, the name of my building when spelled out phonetically from the Korean characters actually breaks down like this: Ha-ee-bae-ra-seu. You can reform the syllables any which way you like. My favorite is "High, Bare Ass".

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That's right! McDonald's delivers. I don't know what to say except that in 10 years, Seoul will catch up to Houston (or wherever) as fattest city in the United States. Also, the McDonald's people here are just plain lazy when it comes to naming new features in the restaurant. For instance, the "drive-thru" here is called a "McDrive". And the delivery service is of course called "McDelivery".

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We went on a field trip to KBS studios last Friday with the kindergarten students. Here are some pictures:



Ida and Nick. Nick looks tired.



They had this fake news desk where the kids could read off of the teleprompter. Daniel totally froze when he got in front of the camera. He had a look of complete and utter terror when he got up there.



It was an extremely hot day, so a lot of the kids brought their own personal "Hello Kitty" fans. Naturally, some kid's hair HAS to get tangled up in the fan.

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Here's a inadvertent haiku written by a 5 year-old.

Math Lesson.

Possibly the greatest essay ever.

Disclaimer: This is a real essay handed in to one of my friends here in Korea. It was not, unfortunately, one of my own students who wrote this. Also there's some language issues here. Okay. Here goes.

Bidet vs. Toilet Paper

In order for human beings to live, they do metabolism, we have to absorb food. And after the metabolism, we have to eliminate dregs of it which people call 'poo'. Evacuation skill has been developed over 3000 years. First, they just evacuated on the ground and didn't clean it. Then, they started to clean their ass with water or glass. Next, they made toilet paper. Finally, they invented bidet.

Toilet paper and bidet are both used to clean people's ass. However, they have few big differences.

Toilet paper is the most commonest cleaning system people use. The price of toilet paper isn't too hard so people use it commonly. But, although it is cheap, it companies few shortcomings. First the effect of it isn't perfect. Which I mean, even though you clean your ass hardly with all your effort, still microscopical pieces are left. And as a result, these poo atoms get on your underwear. And that part turns into brown. Second, when you are suffering from diarrhea (which is liquid poo), Your fingers often go through the paper and scratches the THING. Because diarrhea is liquid, toilet paper absorb the water and get weaker that your fingers go through it. Third, it is really hard to clean it when it gets hard. Especially, Koreans get into these situations frequently because they study or read while evacuating. Anyway, when it gets hard, you have to put little water on paper to make poo softly. Finally, it doesn't feel really good. Because your are cleaning your ass with your own hands, it feels strange.

On the contrary, bidet is the most artistic ultramodern invention system that human being have invented. First, unlike toilet paper, it cleans your ass perfectly that no single poo atoms are left their. Second, you don't have to worry about your fingers scratching the things because you are using advanced machine. Third, unlike toilet paper, you can clean it even if it gets hard. You can control the temperature of water. Therefore, you can melt it even if it gets into solid. Finally, unlike toilet paper which feels really bad, you can feel your mother's hand. Modern technology has made it possible for people to control the power and temperature of it. Therefore, you can feel your mother's hand. When the machine cleans your ass, it reminds of your childhood experience when mom came cleaned your ass. So, some people actually cry while evacuating because it reminds of their mother.

Toilet paper and bidet are both used to clean people's assh*le. But, effects of them are different. Both of them has its own virtue and shortcomings. You shouldn't be lazy that you just evacuates and run out with your butt browned. You should clean your ass faithfully and keep your assh*le clean that you can even lick it so you don't get any cancer on it.

It should be noted that this boy is very quiet and serious in class. However, he writes essays like this all the time. This one was a particular gem.